What a Day That Was - Talking Heads

once, i had a whole post planned about the private school ems attends, because i felt like it was so great. but i guess the second you have a kid with a few problems, all that happy bullshit goes out the window. we’re being told that he has asperger’s syndrome. for the record, i disagree. i think it’s more complicated than that, but i’m not a shrink or a doctor or any such thing, so who cares what i think? the second we met with the folks at school to discuss, they were ready to cut him loose. and so now, what the fuck do you do with a four-year-old kid who reads at a jr. high level but who can’t draw a circle and is emotionally squarely four years old? he’s wonderful and sweet and tries so hard to please, but just seems so anxious during the day and thus, is DIFFICULT, because he disrupts his peers and acts WEIRD.

fuck. FUCK. what are we supposed to do? we got some really helpful links to other private schools that cost, and i am really not kidding, anywhere from $18,000 to $25,000 per year. WHAT THE FUCK, right? and we’re in that awesome category of not making enough to pay for that shit, but making too much to qualify for financial aid. and he’s still not eligible for fucking pre-k, because of his stupidass birthdate. you guys. do NOT have children right after the cutoff dates for school. you will forever feel shitty about it. want to know what’s super fun? oh, any number of things:

wondering if you filled out the questionnaires incorrectly, which is what led to him being diagnosed with asperger’s.

trying to call or email every private school in the greater atlanta area and asking if they’ll take my kid or if we can afford the place.

deliberating ad nauseum about whether or not we should file an iep with the school system so he can get services. because if we do this, he’ll be labeled for life as a fucked up aspie kid. if we don’t do this, we won’t get free services from the school system, like occupational therapy and whatnot.

crying all day.

begging him in the morning to please listen and please not interrupt the other kids and please rest when he’s supposed to and please do this and that and this other thing and then remembering that he is FOUR. and that he’s feeling totally overwhelmed by all of this and probably feels just as shitty as we do, if not more so. poor kid.

trying to decide how we will explain to him why he won’t be able to go to school any more, when he loves it so much.

taking it out on him when i see him doing something weird at home and i’m all what the fuck, kid? stopit.

trying to figure out whether or not we should sell the house and move to another school district.

calling around for nine thousand therapy appointments, all the while thinking, he’s not THAT fucked up.

writing about it. i’m having a hard time with it, but i want to GET IT OUT THERE. and let you guys know. and maybe direct some blog traffic this way so that someone, ANYONE, with any answers might find their way here and, like a magic fairy, tell me what the hell to do.

i know that it will all be ok. I KNOW it will. but it’s hard and it hurts and i have to talk about it to someone. so it’s you. i promise i’ll write about fun things again sometime soon, but i’m just so goddamned consumed by this shit. it’s like the problem is eating me alive. upside of all this? at least the stress has gotten me back down to my pre-eliot-pregnancy weight. keep it up, stress! i might just make it to pre-emerson levels. woohoo.



i love this kid so much it hurts me. he's amazing and we'll get through this.

edited to add: they're not kicking him out per se, but it's been strongly suggested that he's not getting his needs met there, and the teacher is having a hard time working with all 28 kids when he's a distraction, ETCETERA. but he's not hurting anyone, for chrissakes. we're trying to get nine thousand therapy appointments scheduled. maybe they'll give us meds that will fix his issues. I DON'T KNOW YET. sigh.