imagine a baby who screams, loudly and ear-piercingly, every time he's happy. would you think that's strange?
what about when that baby gets older and starts to get obsessed with things? earliest obsession? spoons. that baby must have a spoon in his hand at all times, even sometimes while sleeping. is that odd?
when that baby's vocabulary is so large at 18 months that his parents stop writing down all the words he knows, would that set off any red flags?
what about when that child, who loved to draw and scribble, started to lose interest in those things as he got older?
when he got older, though, he learned to read. that's why it didn't seem strange that he lost interest in drawing, isn't it?
and is it weird that he's terrified of heights? what about the fact that he doesn't seem to be able to stop moving sometimes? only eats a few kinds of foods? throws intense temper tantrums and, when you stop to think, have really big emotions? walk on his toes?
would any of those things freak you out? probably. pat yourself on the back, please. you see, it wasn't until emerson started having tantrums at school that we really started to evaluate his other behaviors a little more. and then everything started to make us nervous. i mean, he's more than four, and it took him going to school to figure it out. HIS TEACHER was the one who noticed something off, not his OWN FUCKING PARENTS.
he was the first child we had. everything seemed normal-ish to us because we had no idea what NORMAL was. and now? jesus h. there's so much more, y'all. SO MUCH. but i can't quite get it into words.
he did have his big evaluation a couple of weeks ago, and we'll get our diagnosis this coming monday. and with the diagnosis? i'm sure they'll have some sort of treatment plan, which will cost more money and make us spend more time, and probably some sort of goddamn iep, and i don't even know how to go about even BEGINNING to ask for an iep with the school district, and this is the city of atlanta, for chrissakes, so it's not like they'll make this easy at all, and fuckity, fuck. FUCK. this sucks.
i mean, jesus. he's smart and funny and cute and loving and wonderful, but here we are FREAKING OUT, because he throws tantrums and toe walks and has now? now started hitting. i love this kid so much and hate to worry about this or tell him for the five hundredth time STOP! NO! DON'T! PLEASE! EMERSON!
sigh. tomorrow will be a better day, right?
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4 comments:
We didn't figure it out until our child was 7. SEVEN. That's seven years of blaming her for behavior it turns out she can't control. For reactions to things that seem normal to us but cause her to, literally, go crazy. And we only brought her in because she ran funny. (seriously, think urkel). And then all this other stuff came up.
You're freakin awesome parents. If my kid stopped drawing and started reading I wouldn't think anything of it. Kids have obsessions all the time. Kids are weird. And also, kids hit. They hit because they can't figure out another way to deal with things. They hit because other kids are really aggressive. They hit because the other kid won't listen and they want to get their attention. They hit because they're kids and they don't have that much self control and they have emotions that are too big for their little bodies. (Can you tell Roan's hitting a lot right now. And despite all I just said, I"m sure its my fault)
This thing on Monday - its going to help you be the best parents you can for Emerson. Its going to give you some peace. Eventually. And yes, it may well give you all that other stuff, IEP's etc. But you're totally up for that. You worked in human resources in a awful recession. This will be easier than that. Just remember, YOU know this child. You do. Go with your gut. It will all work out.
Kat
thank you for this. you give me hope. it all just feels so insurmountable sometimes, and this whole day was just way too much. it means a lot to hear from you, especially since you've been through this and are awesome parents yourselves.
I don't think ANY of these things would be a warning sign to me. ANY! So don't feel guilty about what you didn't see and the teacher picked up on. After all, she has been around little kids for HOW long? And she works with many. All day. Every day. For possibly YEARS! The great thing is that she DID know enough to give you guys a heads up about what was happening. Does it make it any easier? Nope. I'm sure not, but you guys are AWESOME parents and TOTALLY patient and loving and attentive with your kids. That right there is giving you an edge in all the craziness in your life right now that a lot of parents don't have. And as for the hitting? Well, Kat's right. Kids hit. They do, and they just have to be taught that they can't. Some may take longer to learn the rules than others, but in the end, I don't know any grown ups who just hit people for no reason (though sometimes I WISH that were more acceptable!)
Those are anecdotes, not warning signs. Emerson is amazing and fun, even vicariously. You will get through this. And you wanna know why? Because you have Fashion Nugget in your iTunes.
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