and now is the time when i really do want to know what you think. ems got his latest summer shoes a couple of weeks ago. you may recall that last year, he got pink. this year, after my mother-in-law strongly suggested to him that he should choose blue, because THAT is his favorite color, he promptly chose purple. i think they're awesome.
so did he. he was so proud of those gorgeous purple sandals. i told him that i wanted some the same color, and he said that NO, only he could have them. but then, the other day, without any seeming explanation, we couldn't get him to put them on. no sandals at all. he only wanted to wear his rainboots, or his hiking shoes, or his cowboy boots. nevermind that it was 85° outside and he was sweating like crazy. NO PURPLE SANDALS.tonight, i finally started to question him about it. do they make your feet hurt? no. are they uncomfortable? no. every question i could think to ask until i asked him if someone said something about them. yes, he said. warren* said my shoes were ugly. and my head just about exploded, because i very consciously do not ever use the word UGLY around him. there's absolutely no reason for it. nothing is really ugly. i always get really cranky when i hear people at the zoo calling animals ugly. and i was raised to not call things ugly. let me give you an example of my upbringing:
we used to shop at this crazy awesome store called triple r freight. i'm not sure what it was, except that clothing from all ends of the world ended up there. it was like marshall's on crack. i mean, next to a designer suit, you could find a cheap gold lamé tube top. fort smith peeps, you TOTALLY know what i'm talking about. don't deny it. at any rate, if i even tried to snicker about the lamé, my mother would say, "shhhhhhh. someone likes it." and she was right. her mother said it to her, and it's being passed on. someone likes that shitty lamé dress, and don't make fun of it in front of them. same thing with the purple sandals. so fucking what if he's a boy? boys can like purple, for chrissakes. so shut the fuck up, and leave him alone, because he likes those shoes.
ems hasn't heard anything called ugly before, at least not in this house (HELLO, HIGH HORSE), and his reaction to it was pretty violent. he was adamant that he couldn't wear those shoes any more, because warren thought they were ugly. and warren is older than he is, so he must know. to which i said, well, warren doesn't know everything. and emerson said, you're right, mama. he doesn't know how to say scaphognathus. and i'll have to teach him how to say that. and ramphorhynchus. i don't think he can say that, either. which is much kinder than i could ever have been.
i tried and tried to get him to put the purple sandals on. at long last, bribed with chocolate easter candy, i asked him to put the purple shoes on one last time so we could go get new ones at daddy's work. i called dave on the way there, and prepped him for it. and when we hit the door, every one of dave's folks complimented him on the shoes, and made him feel so special, that by the time we hit the shoe section, he decided that warren indeed didn't know everything, and that he was pretty certain that he'd picked the best shoes in the entire store. dave's a good daddy, you guys.
but here is what i want to know: what would you say to warren's parents? anything? nothing? i really want to say something, really nice-like, just to let them know. and i know that some of you may be thinking that i'm just trying to protect my special little snowflake, but you know what? he's THREE. let's just calm the fuck down on that one. i'd understand if this was third grade. but he's not in school, and i think that people that you see on a pretty regular basis should probably know that their kid is being rude. and i'm fairly sure warren didn't pick this up from his own folks, because i've never heard them talk like that; i'm sure he picked it up at daycare or something.
if my kid was calling other kids' stuff ugly, i'd sure want to know. WHAT DO YOU THINK?
*names have been changed, just in case people ever get wise to this here blog, which will probably never happen. BUT STILL.
3 comments:
You are such a good parent. Seriously. You handled this well.
I would not on a first offense bring it up with the parents. But that depends on three things. How often is it necessary for Emerson to be around the child? How close are you to the parents? And What is your motivation?
If the motivation is to protect Emerson, you have done that. I don't think talking to the parents will be as receptive. If the motivation is to bring a concern about their parenting, again, not likely to be receptive. But if you are close enough to them to know that they would not approve of this behavior and the motivation is Warren's well-being, it may be worth discussing in the right way at the right time.
i would buy warren the exact same awesome purple shoes as a gift.
See, this is where you are a much more appropriate and mature parent than I. My response would be something along the lines of, "well, Warren must be an ugly person to say such ugly things" or "tell Warren to suck it!" or "Warren doesn't have good fashion sense like your mom...put on the shoes. They're cute! Trust me, I know everything!!" I think it's AWESOME that you offered to take him to the store for new shoes! And even awesomER that Dave had everyone prepped with what to say! Go Co-Parenting!!! If I said something to the parents (and were actually friends with them) I would turn it into a jokie-joke of not wanting to shell out more $$ for new shoes so could they please tell their kid to keep his fashion opinions to himself.
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