here’s the thing: i freaking hate “the holidays.” oh, don’t get me wrong. i love this time of year, especially christmas. i love the tree, i love the lights, i love the carols, especially sung by elvis. i love that families get together. i love candy canes. i love cold weather. i love it all. what i don’t love, though, what i will NEVER love, unless i am given a lobotomy, is all the gift-receiving. sounds weird, i know. and i do love to give people presents. i don’t even need an occasion half the time; i’ll see something awesome and just want to buy it for the person. i have to restrain myself sometimes, but i do enjoy giving people things. can’t help it. don’t care too much about new years’ eve, since i have no burning need to get drunk and make out with people at the stroke of midnight any more. sorry about last year, dave.
what i do hate, though, are the obsessions with lists and santa and being good and all that crap. first of all, let me tell you (if i haven’t before) that my mother-in-law’s nickname is the supreme commander. they used to call her that behind her back, and when she found out, she was not bothered at all. because she IS the freaking supreme commander. as a a result of this condition, she commands us all to produce lists every year. lists of what we would like to have for christmas and/or our birthdays. and the she promptly ignores everything we’ve recommended and buys what she wants to buy. what, i ask you, is the point of the goddamn list? and they also have to spend the EXACT same amount of money on each grandson. this drives me batshit crazy. emerson's current favorite thing is a dinosaur matching game that cost ONE DOLLAR at target. he's three. he really doesn't give a shit about who got more expensive presents.
and every year, i want to put my foot down, and say ENOUGH. let's all just hang out and listen to elvis sing blue christmas and drink hot chocolate (spiked, of course) and talk. but i'm always chicken shit, and we end up racing around like idiots trying to get all the presents and cook some damn casserole at the last minute so all nine hundred of us can cram into someone's house for dinner and emerson won't sit in his seat because he's too excited and it's hot and people get so freaking stressed out and AAARRRGGGHHH.
SERIOUSLY. what is it about christmas that makes everyone freak out so much? and not to compare families, because mine is pretty much the craziest out there, but my mother has the gift-buying thing down pat. she goes to costco and fills up the cart with dental floss and toothpaste and deodorant and lotion and body wash, and wraps it all up and gives it to us. oh, she gives us gift cards to stores at which we need things (ah, home despot. where would we be without you?), but the groceries are an insanely awesome bonus. i mean, i haven't bought myself deodorant in years. how awesome is that? and since it's low-stress, we can drink and play board games. ever tried playing operation after a few manhattans? good times.
just once, i'd like to have a christmas where it's not about stuff and stress. one time, i'd like to order out chinese, drink some wine, and donate all the money we would have spent on gifts. what about you guys? do the holidays stress you out like this? his mother actually just called. he is on the phone with her about logistics and spending exactly x dollars AS I TYPE. give me strength. if not strength, just give me vodka.
i've missed you. i promise to write more soon.
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4 comments:
Girl, I so totally get it! Luckily, we have a few sane family members (in-laws). A few years ago, they decided that we would do all the Christmas stuff either New Year's Eve or New Year's Day. That really helped take the stress off all us married folk who had to figure out how to juggle it all.
I finally made the decision to stay home Christmas Eve and tell my family we wouldn't be there until Christmas day because Conall wanted to spend Christmas morning at home. We will be missing my dad's family's traditional Christmas Eve celebration, but I know I made the right decision. Things should be less hectic and more enjoyable for our immediate family and we'll still see my dad on Christmas Day.
And, we have relatives who do the list thing -- you must have the exact store, item name, etc. and hurry up because they don't have time to drive all over town (of course, they are getting into their 80s). This year I asked for money to help fund summer programs for Conall and Caitlin. Nope, they don't want to do that. Then, I asked for clothes for the kids, nope that wouldn't do either. I wish more people were practical about things -- life would be easier for everyone.
And, I've missed you, too. Just catching up on mine tonight - great mindes think alike.
Our fam a few years ago decided to start getting sandwich fixins. That way people eat when they're hungry, and drink alcohol when they need it. And Susan has WAAAAAY mellowed out since her cancer diagnosis. She USED to actually make the little kids wait in between presents to separate bows and wrapping into trash and save bags. That goes over SWIMMINGLY w/ a 4 yr old boy, lemme tell ya!
We always ask for cards now when people request lists. Home Depot (I like despot...a LOT!, grocery cards, Strbx, iTunes. That way I don't feel guilty about buying 50 dollar coffee and get pissed when we have to spend $$ on NAILS. Last yr we also decided to forego a bunch of gifts and give the money as a family to Ovarian Cancer research. This year I am making Maggie come with me to as many donation/drive things as I can so she understands that even though we live in a one income household, we still have more than enough stuff. (Plus it leaves me less crap to pick up!)
Don't get me wrong, I'm still TOTALLY guilty of buying CRAP CRAP CRAP for people and spending WAAAAY too much at Christmas, but I buy people GOOD things! heh heh.
My whole reason for not liking the getting part is that I think (as I'm loading my suitcase full o' CRAP...that'll be donated the following year!) of all the MONEY that could've been just given in a nice check that would help make a car payment, or pay for a dance class for Maggie, or go towards a new roof! Instead, I have a HUMONGOUS palate of fifty shades of blue eyeshado! HAHAHA!!!
Sorry I am just getting around to this post. I totally relate. The excess of Christmas PAINS me. Here's what has (sortof) worked for us. Jesus got 3 presents. So do our girls. Well, they get three from Santa,3 from us, three from both sets of grandparents, three from the elves at spaghetti christmas (i need to explain that one at some point) and stockings and jack-in-the-box presents (again, needs explanation at a later time). It turns into a lot, but not as much as it was. This guideline is defensible and hard to argue. Any time we get to envoke His life as example, it is hard to disagree. So remember that for next year. Say three gifts from everyone and don't tell them how our parents have somewhat wiggled around it.
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