ahem. so. how are you guys? i’ve been, um, bored. with myself here on this blog thing. generally, funny shit does happen to me, but when i try to translate it into a hilarious story for the likes of you to read, it turns into DRUDGERY. drudgery for me to write and, once it’s written, drudgery for you to read. so. if any of you were tuning in here for ACTUAL ENTERTAINMENT, my sincere apologies for not providing much. that new show, glee? anyone heard of it? because you should all be tuning in to that for your entertainment. i don’t live up to the hype.
for example. this is a story that, if it were chronicled on facebook, would TOTALLY get me turned in to stfu parents. with good cause. so i’ll chronicle it here, because that’s why you occasionally click on my page, right? we are working on the potty training. you already know where this story is going. as a side note, i will just say that i am damn tired of wiping an ass that is not my own. and this child? well, he has been fairly uninterested in the whole deal. i think he actually likes the fact that i wipe his ass.
the other evening, he was in the shower. he loves showers, and always has no fewer than about 35 dinosaur toys in there. it’s our shower, and my feet and dave’s are fairly calloused based on the number of hard plastic toys therein. we normally stick him in the shower, wash him off, and let him play for another five minutes or so. at the end of the shower the other night, dave went to get him. a few seconds later, dave yelled, “want to dry off the boy, or want to clean up the shower?” i figured drying off the boy was the best option, but had a bad feeling.
dave later told me that emerson had pooped in the shower. fine, fine, i said. i mean, kids do that all the time, right? but not this. he’d taken some, erm, nuggets, and placed them in the dinosaurs’ hands. lots of them. they were all bearing gifts by the time we went to get him; he was busy in the 5 minutes we’d been gone. i will not go all stfu parents on you and show you photos of this carnage. i think, however, when your child uses poo as an art form, he is probably not quite ready for the whole potty training business. which? effing sucks. SUCKS.
tell me it's ok. tell me that a newly three-year-old boy is not quite ready to be potty trained, and that it'll work out ok. tell me that, so i don't go crazy.
4 comments:
this is what I told myself all summer, as I was cleaning up the lovely presents from my child that he would always leave directly after he sat on the potty. I don't know any adults who wear diapers. And even better, Emmeth doesn't have any friends who wear diapers. So at some point all kids must figure it out. All my friends with boys said sometime between 3 & 4 theirs decided to make it work. Roan was 3 & 3 months. And it was totally his decision and there was nothing I could do to change his mind until he decided it was ok. Cause he likes torturing me like that. Now if I could just get him to wear underwear. And stop screaming if I haven't had a chance to go to the grocery store and get more hot chocolate (the only thing he'll drink in the morning). And let me cut his nails (honestly, I've only cut him once. And it was an accident cause I was using pedicure scissors). etc, etc. Anyway, Emerson will figure it out. You're not a bad mom cause he plays with poo. Your a good mom with a story that will haunt him forever. Also, my word verification is lessert. Which I'm taking as a sign that I need to have cake for breakfast.
http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1940395,00.html
it's so hard, the competitive parenting. i find that i don't really care that he's potty trained yet, until yet another person asks me, UNSOLICITED, is he potty trained yet? family, friends, perfect strangers at the playground. and i have to take a step back and realize that you're exactly right, kathryn. i don't know adults who wear diapers, either. also, you totally need a blog, beucause that comment was damn funny. and i hope you did eat cake for breakfast.
am i that bad, kendall? or should i say, do i come off that badly? i really try to be the antithesis of all the helicopter parenting, but i guess i still fall prey to some of this crap. damn.
First of all, let me just say that I nearly pissed my pants reading about the poo nuggets in the hands of the dinosaurs!!
Holy crap! The schools and parents described in the article is EXACTLY like Patrick's school where he teaches!!! If Maggie goes there she has to get a "psychological evaluation" to get into pre-K. She has to be EVALUTAED before she can effing COLOR and pee in a sandbox!!! Yeah, the helicoptor parents make me want to puke. Although, I did consider getting a leash in a flash moment for ONE second in Wal Mart one day...cuz it was shaped like a monkey. Monkey on my back?...get it?? Yeah, that's why I didn't buy it. And, NO, Alexis you are not one. We have both met one (no names named, and you, my friend are NOT that girl! I agree with never seeing an adult wear a diaper. And hell, a sour cream dinner never hurt anyone! HAHA!!
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