Country Sad Ballad Man - Blur

ok. so, children's stories from days of old are creepy and disturbing. i know this. i totally do. and i love them. the brothers grimm, all the old fairy tales? LOVE them. i think you probably know i don't necessarily chase after the happily-ever-after endings. at least not for myself. so many of the stories that have been disney-fied started out rather darkly. for example, the little mermaid DIES. cinderella's sisters cut parts of their feet off in order for them to fit into the glass slipper. snow white's wicked stepmother is made to dance in hot iron shoes until she dies.

you get the picture. but see, these stories aren't aimed at toddlers. they're aimed at older kids, for whom that shit is totally fascinating and weird and great.

HOWEVER, someone needs to explain these mother goose rhymes to me. they're called nursery rhymes, which seems to indicate to me that they are intended to be read in a NURSERY. to small children. and i'm noticing a disturbing trend of violence here. i just uncovered a box of books from my childhood, and this is one of them. most of the rhymes (hey, diddle diddle) are totally innocuous. HOWEVER, some are fairly sinister.

remember the old woman who lived in a shoe? i only remembered the first two lines:

there was an old woman who lived in a shoe.

she had so many children she didn't know what to do.

i forgot the rest.

she gave them some broth without any bread,

and whipped them all soundly and sent them to bed.

sing a song of sixpence is fine until "along came a blackbird and snipped off her nose."

and goosey goosey gander? uh, what?

goosey goosey gander, whither shall i wander?

upstairs and downstairs and in my lady's chamber.

there i met an old man who wouldn't say his prayers,

so i took him by the left leg and threw him down the stairs.

here's my thing. people are all oh, the kids are so sheltered now. parents are too soft. but, see, i don't get why explaining to my kid why you'd throw someone down the stairs is a good idea. all those nursery rhymes have basis in fact from hundreds of years ago. making sure my nearly three-year-old kid gets historical context seems like a waste of time.

will i read them to him one day? certainly, when he is old enough to be ok with a rhyme about a bird cutting someone's nose off. will i let him read fairy tales? ABSOLUTELY. they're still a favorite of mine. but now? no freaking way. call me soft, call me what you will, but i see no reason to make my kid terrified of blackbirds. at least not yet.