i just have to vent to you, my friends. dave and i have laughed about it and i feel a little better now.
i was putting emerson to bed tonight, and i probably asked him to get in bed about six or seven times. he turned from his plastic dinosaurs and said, "you don't have to say it so many times."
and then my head exploded.
he's three going on, what, fifteen?
also, i think i'm turning into my mother. AWESOME. i mean, i knew it would happen eventually, but i didn't think it would be this soon.
Monday, December 21, 2009
holiday meme
i swiped this from swistle's site.
Eggnog or hot chocolate? eggnog, as long as it's spiked.
Does Santa wrap the presents or leave them open under the tree? see last post; everything is from mama and daddy. but yes, we wrap the presents. i like to make 'em pretty.
Colored lights on a tree or white? white. when i get to the part where i describe our ornaments, you'll understand why.
Do you hang mistletoe? no. i don't see the point, because i get plenty of kisses around here. also, do people actually kiss random people standing under the mistletoe? i could never do that; i'm just a little too awkward and socially weird.
When do you put your decorations up? we don't really have a set day for it, because dave's schedule is so erratic. we did, however, put the tree up the day after thanksgiving this year. dave was off in the morning, and my parents were here. my mom is currently recuperating in the hospital after knee surgery, and wouldn't have been able to put up her tree at home, so we all decorated it together. my dad's main contribution was the music, but he felt that songs like elvira and horse with no name were better than my cambridge singers christmas cds. good times. also, don't put your tree up the day after thanksgiving. the tree is done with drinking water and is so, so dry we only plug in the lights for a little while in the evenings.
What is your favorite holiday dish? marzipan stollen. my grandparents (on my mother's side) came from german families. thank goodness for world market. oh, dish, like something you actually MAKE? with your OWN hands? um. my side of the fam has veered towards christmas brunch these days, and my dad makes some pretty good scones.
Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? no. but we have been doing christmas early with dave's family in the last few years, so that we can travel to see my family on christmas. works out fairly well. we did it saturday, and em's all stocked up with dinosaur paraphanalia for the drive.
How do you decorate your Christmas tree? animals, and only animals. we started this right after we got married, and have built quite the collection of animal ornaments. we have your standard fare, like birds and butterflies, but we have some fairly kick-ass ornaments, too. we have: cobra, meerkats, iguana, red panda, orangutan, walrus, etc. i think that elephants are the most represented animal. we've introduced dinosaurs lately. this is why white lights are best. with all the colors on the tree, the addition of colored lights might induce seizures.
Snow: love it or hate it? i lurve it. can't help it, i just think it's beautiful. and i learned to drive in indiana in the wintertime, so i am not too shabby driving on it. around here, though, driving slowly at any time will get you killed, so snow in atlanta is not the best deal.
Can you ice skate? not really. i grew up in arkansas.
What is your favorite holiday dessert? gingerbread. real, warm gingerbread with lemon curd.
What is your favorite holiday tradition? we don't really have many holiday traditions, per se. i would have to say that my least favorite is the one in which we beg my father to please, please turn off fox news and if he doesn't turn it off, to at least mute the goddamn television so we can listen to some christmas carols. holiday spirit abounds.
Candy canes: yum or yuck? uh, yuuuuuuuum. all the way. basically, if it's candy, and not orange-flavored, it's a yum in my book.
Favorite Christmas show? listening to david sedaris read santaland diaries.
Eggnog or hot chocolate? eggnog, as long as it's spiked.
Does Santa wrap the presents or leave them open under the tree? see last post; everything is from mama and daddy. but yes, we wrap the presents. i like to make 'em pretty.
Colored lights on a tree or white? white. when i get to the part where i describe our ornaments, you'll understand why.
Do you hang mistletoe? no. i don't see the point, because i get plenty of kisses around here. also, do people actually kiss random people standing under the mistletoe? i could never do that; i'm just a little too awkward and socially weird.
When do you put your decorations up? we don't really have a set day for it, because dave's schedule is so erratic. we did, however, put the tree up the day after thanksgiving this year. dave was off in the morning, and my parents were here. my mom is currently recuperating in the hospital after knee surgery, and wouldn't have been able to put up her tree at home, so we all decorated it together. my dad's main contribution was the music, but he felt that songs like elvira and horse with no name were better than my cambridge singers christmas cds. good times. also, don't put your tree up the day after thanksgiving. the tree is done with drinking water and is so, so dry we only plug in the lights for a little while in the evenings.
What is your favorite holiday dish? marzipan stollen. my grandparents (on my mother's side) came from german families. thank goodness for world market. oh, dish, like something you actually MAKE? with your OWN hands? um. my side of the fam has veered towards christmas brunch these days, and my dad makes some pretty good scones.
Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? no. but we have been doing christmas early with dave's family in the last few years, so that we can travel to see my family on christmas. works out fairly well. we did it saturday, and em's all stocked up with dinosaur paraphanalia for the drive.
How do you decorate your Christmas tree? animals, and only animals. we started this right after we got married, and have built quite the collection of animal ornaments. we have your standard fare, like birds and butterflies, but we have some fairly kick-ass ornaments, too. we have: cobra, meerkats, iguana, red panda, orangutan, walrus, etc. i think that elephants are the most represented animal. we've introduced dinosaurs lately. this is why white lights are best. with all the colors on the tree, the addition of colored lights might induce seizures.
Snow: love it or hate it? i lurve it. can't help it, i just think it's beautiful. and i learned to drive in indiana in the wintertime, so i am not too shabby driving on it. around here, though, driving slowly at any time will get you killed, so snow in atlanta is not the best deal.
Can you ice skate? not really. i grew up in arkansas.
What is your favorite holiday dessert? gingerbread. real, warm gingerbread with lemon curd.
What is your favorite holiday tradition? we don't really have many holiday traditions, per se. i would have to say that my least favorite is the one in which we beg my father to please, please turn off fox news and if he doesn't turn it off, to at least mute the goddamn television so we can listen to some christmas carols. holiday spirit abounds.
Candy canes: yum or yuck? uh, yuuuuuuuum. all the way. basically, if it's candy, and not orange-flavored, it's a yum in my book.
Favorite Christmas show? listening to david sedaris read santaland diaries.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
and also,
when i write, it's sort of train-of-thought (because i don't have as much time to edit as i'd like), and i leave things out that i meant to say. the other night, i meant to also note that i'm a horrible parent, because this is the 4th christmas that emerson has been on the planet, and we have not one photo of him with santa. i should be taken out back and beaten, right? yep. we missed the whole pumpkin patch experience this year, too. i hear a knock at the door. it's dfcs. SHHHH.
i'm just not into the whole santa deal. never have been. i don't care if my kid believes in the big guy or not. i will certainly not threaten him with no presents based on his behavior, because, well, as if the supreme commander would even listen to me. HA. no, santa's just not my thing. and emerson is fairly terrified of him. dave's mother tells me that he was the same way, so maybe it's genetic.
at any rate, dave's mother tried to bribe emerson with candy canes, hot chocolate, what have you to go sit on santa's lap. my kid has a sweet tooth like you would NOT believe, but he would not capitulate. NO to santa. and i'm ok with it, really. so we're not getting the traditional holiday snapshots. life could be worse.
what about you guys? do your kids get into santa? did you when you were young?
i'm just not into the whole santa deal. never have been. i don't care if my kid believes in the big guy or not. i will certainly not threaten him with no presents based on his behavior, because, well, as if the supreme commander would even listen to me. HA. no, santa's just not my thing. and emerson is fairly terrified of him. dave's mother tells me that he was the same way, so maybe it's genetic.
at any rate, dave's mother tried to bribe emerson with candy canes, hot chocolate, what have you to go sit on santa's lap. my kid has a sweet tooth like you would NOT believe, but he would not capitulate. NO to santa. and i'm ok with it, really. so we're not getting the traditional holiday snapshots. life could be worse.
what about you guys? do your kids get into santa? did you when you were young?
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Hail Santa - Primus
here’s the thing: i freaking hate “the holidays.” oh, don’t get me wrong. i love this time of year, especially christmas. i love the tree, i love the lights, i love the carols, especially sung by elvis. i love that families get together. i love candy canes. i love cold weather. i love it all. what i don’t love, though, what i will NEVER love, unless i am given a lobotomy, is all the gift-receiving. sounds weird, i know. and i do love to give people presents. i don’t even need an occasion half the time; i’ll see something awesome and just want to buy it for the person. i have to restrain myself sometimes, but i do enjoy giving people things. can’t help it. don’t care too much about new years’ eve, since i have no burning need to get drunk and make out with people at the stroke of midnight any more. sorry about last year, dave.
what i do hate, though, are the obsessions with lists and santa and being good and all that crap. first of all, let me tell you (if i haven’t before) that my mother-in-law’s nickname is the supreme commander. they used to call her that behind her back, and when she found out, she was not bothered at all. because she IS the freaking supreme commander. as a a result of this condition, she commands us all to produce lists every year. lists of what we would like to have for christmas and/or our birthdays. and the she promptly ignores everything we’ve recommended and buys what she wants to buy. what, i ask you, is the point of the goddamn list? and they also have to spend the EXACT same amount of money on each grandson. this drives me batshit crazy. emerson's current favorite thing is a dinosaur matching game that cost ONE DOLLAR at target. he's three. he really doesn't give a shit about who got more expensive presents.
and every year, i want to put my foot down, and say ENOUGH. let's all just hang out and listen to elvis sing blue christmas and drink hot chocolate (spiked, of course) and talk. but i'm always chicken shit, and we end up racing around like idiots trying to get all the presents and cook some damn casserole at the last minute so all nine hundred of us can cram into someone's house for dinner and emerson won't sit in his seat because he's too excited and it's hot and people get so freaking stressed out and AAARRRGGGHHH.
SERIOUSLY. what is it about christmas that makes everyone freak out so much? and not to compare families, because mine is pretty much the craziest out there, but my mother has the gift-buying thing down pat. she goes to costco and fills up the cart with dental floss and toothpaste and deodorant and lotion and body wash, and wraps it all up and gives it to us. oh, she gives us gift cards to stores at which we need things (ah, home despot. where would we be without you?), but the groceries are an insanely awesome bonus. i mean, i haven't bought myself deodorant in years. how awesome is that? and since it's low-stress, we can drink and play board games. ever tried playing operation after a few manhattans? good times.
just once, i'd like to have a christmas where it's not about stuff and stress. one time, i'd like to order out chinese, drink some wine, and donate all the money we would have spent on gifts. what about you guys? do the holidays stress you out like this? his mother actually just called. he is on the phone with her about logistics and spending exactly x dollars AS I TYPE. give me strength. if not strength, just give me vodka.
i've missed you. i promise to write more soon.
what i do hate, though, are the obsessions with lists and santa and being good and all that crap. first of all, let me tell you (if i haven’t before) that my mother-in-law’s nickname is the supreme commander. they used to call her that behind her back, and when she found out, she was not bothered at all. because she IS the freaking supreme commander. as a a result of this condition, she commands us all to produce lists every year. lists of what we would like to have for christmas and/or our birthdays. and the she promptly ignores everything we’ve recommended and buys what she wants to buy. what, i ask you, is the point of the goddamn list? and they also have to spend the EXACT same amount of money on each grandson. this drives me batshit crazy. emerson's current favorite thing is a dinosaur matching game that cost ONE DOLLAR at target. he's three. he really doesn't give a shit about who got more expensive presents.
and every year, i want to put my foot down, and say ENOUGH. let's all just hang out and listen to elvis sing blue christmas and drink hot chocolate (spiked, of course) and talk. but i'm always chicken shit, and we end up racing around like idiots trying to get all the presents and cook some damn casserole at the last minute so all nine hundred of us can cram into someone's house for dinner and emerson won't sit in his seat because he's too excited and it's hot and people get so freaking stressed out and AAARRRGGGHHH.
SERIOUSLY. what is it about christmas that makes everyone freak out so much? and not to compare families, because mine is pretty much the craziest out there, but my mother has the gift-buying thing down pat. she goes to costco and fills up the cart with dental floss and toothpaste and deodorant and lotion and body wash, and wraps it all up and gives it to us. oh, she gives us gift cards to stores at which we need things (ah, home despot. where would we be without you?), but the groceries are an insanely awesome bonus. i mean, i haven't bought myself deodorant in years. how awesome is that? and since it's low-stress, we can drink and play board games. ever tried playing operation after a few manhattans? good times.
just once, i'd like to have a christmas where it's not about stuff and stress. one time, i'd like to order out chinese, drink some wine, and donate all the money we would have spent on gifts. what about you guys? do the holidays stress you out like this? his mother actually just called. he is on the phone with her about logistics and spending exactly x dollars AS I TYPE. give me strength. if not strength, just give me vodka.
i've missed you. i promise to write more soon.
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